Science has been kinda dodgy lately. Foundational psychological studies are defying replication. Sexed brains don’t exist, then they do, then they don’t.
I mean, there’s men’s and women’s hands, but it’s not like that!
But today, science really came through for me.
If you’ve been fighting in the TERF wars for a few years, you’ll remember the infamous cuttlefish comparison. I came in on the end of it, but the basic idea was that sex is a spectrum because some animals can switch their sex in certain conditions.
The very idea of switching sex seems to imply that it’s not a spectrum, but let’s move on.
This example has gained more traction as an emblem of TRA silliness than as a serious argument. I still giggle at the occasional reference, the bespoke specificity of the deceptively-spelled totem is an evergreen nugget of absurdity for me.
I don’t know if cuttlefish really change sex, but the mating strategy of so-called Beta Males had my jaw on the floor. Then I laughed for a solid minute.
Writing for The Ethologist, Julia Henning uses a personal anecdote to introduce us to ‘The Sneaky Fucker Strategy’:
“You’ll have to excuse my language because ‘sneaky f**ker’ is the actual, legitimate, honest to goodness, scientific term coined by John Maynard Smith to describe subordinate, beta or low-status males who opportunistically mate with females while the dominant or alpha males are otherwise occupied.”
She censors the f-bombs, but I’m just not that classy.
“Also known as Kleptogamy or sneaky copulation, this mating strategy is observed in many species, often with elaborate deployment.“
This is the funniest thing I have read in a very long time.
“One such species is the giant cuttlefish. This species takes the cake for flawless and creative execution of a sneaky f**ker strategy.”
I definitely have an ex or two who’d give them a run for their money!
“Male cuttlefish are much larger than their female counterparts and display a darker, more vivid pattern on their backs. During the cuttlefish’s mass annual mating, hundreds of thousands of cuttlefish come together to find a mate.”
Sounds like every single day in human life.
“Males display their size and power and, if a female is interested, she will draw in her tentacles. This triggers the male to guard her underneath his body. If a smaller male was to try to access her, the larger male would attack and send the smaller male packing.
“To avoid this, some small males have developed a cunning ploy. Thanks to sacs of pigment on their skin capable of producing different patterns, cuttlefish are masters of camouflage.“
Like some other species I know…
You are the most beautiful woman in the world, and I would never do anything to besmirch your honor… Give us a kiss!
“The small male uses this advantage to change the pattern on his back, mimicking that of a female. As he approaches, he reinforces the ploy by drawing his tentacles in, triggering the dominant male to hide him under his body where the female is waiting.”
So he presents himself as female to gain access to actual females. Where have I heard that before?
“Once the small male has mated with the female, he casually heads off, appearing to any males as just another picky female looking for a mate.” In human terms, this would probably be called assault. Miss Cuttlefish didn’t invite the Sneaky Fucker in!
The farcical parallels go on and on – “Some researchers have reported seeing this ploy used skilfully while males are searching for a mate. Swimming lower than the larger males but above the females, the small males display a female pattern on their back where the larger males can see it and ignore the smaller male as a threat.
“But below they show a different story, displaying a male pattern on their belly where the females can see. Thanks to this clever use of colour, they can go undisturbed by the larger males and still advertise their interest to the females.”
‘Interest’ is a relative term. Sometimes men’s methods of showing their ‘interest’ veer directly into creep territory. These cuttlecreeps are presenting as female to other males, meanwhile showing the females their true colors! The metaphor could not be more perfect, just not quite how they intended.
Ms. Henning’s article is nearly a year old, and I can only guess if she saw it like this.
She brings us home with a few generalizations that just deepen the analogy, “It is worth noting that the sneaky f**ker strategy only occurs in species where mate selection is restricted, usually due to female monopolisation by a male or group of males,” Like patriarchal cultures giving powerful men harems?
“…Mate guarding,” AKA marriage!
“…Hierarchies or because sexual behaviour outside of the ‘system’ is punished.” Check, and check.
Transwomen might be cuttlefish, after all!
But like a true skeptic, Ms. Henning leaves herself wiggle room, “While we may see similarities between these acts and our own, it would be a mistake to think that the two are the same. My wingman was sneaky that’s for sure, but the cuttlefish are the real sneaky f**kers.”
I have met some human males with pretty elaborate mating strategies. Humans in general are definitely not above employing deception to get laid!
This may not be the hottest topic, but let me know if you thought this was as funny as I did. Ms. Henning has accidentally hewn a priceless comedic gem that invites us to question how our animal nature informs our human actions.
Working on something a little different for next week in support of a couple things happening in the wider world. Meanwhile, I’ll be finding ways to slip cuttlefish back into the conversation…
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