Boomer Bust: For Us To Grow Up, You Have To Get Old

Bill Maher makes a great Boomer spokesman.

Sitting halfway between Bill and the Young People I think he’s yelling at this week, I remember his firebrand image from 25 years ago.

You're Kidding Me

The more things change, the more you stay the same!

He’s always spoken for that segment of liberals who fancy themselves independent thinkers. They made a big splash as the new kids in town, when I was a kid. But the turmoil of the past quarter-century hasn’t triggered any growth as they became the dominant force in American liberal politics.

Think of them as liberal Libertarians – People who are Democrats because they want to avoid the Right’s racism and sexism, even if they’re not really interested in social programs. Identity politics is the perfect strawman they can slay over and over to avoid doing any collectivism. And it has many forms besides Wokism.

In his New Rule segment, Bill coos about the ‘transformative’ Biden administration. Biden is so on top of things, Bill declares him a disappointment to Comedy!

Then without warning, he pivots from kissing ass to wagging his finger at us.

“Yes, he got better at 78. What a mind-blowing concept that must be to the younger generations, for whom writing someone off simply for their age is the last acceptable prejudice.”

Shots across the bow! Someone called Dad irrelevant and now he’s gonna rant about it. Because controlling the framing of an argument is almost as good as winning it.

“You ever go down the greeting card isle at CVS? Every card for anyone over 60 has the same joke – ‘Happy birthday, I’m surprised your dick hasn’t fallen off!'”

Personal bitterness drips from Bill’s voice as he explains that it’s time for America to grow up and recognize “the most fundamental trade-off in life: You’re beautiful when you’re young and wise when you’re old.”

Ass Is Showing

Your ass is showing!

I’m sorry, who gave the world Youth Culture?? Sure, children were the future, but all that’s in the past, you say? What a convenient arc for people right around your age, Bill! 

Boomers have glorified their own disdain for their parents forever, while finding endless rationalizations to avoid really taking responsibility themselves.

But Bill manages to faithfully describe how experience adds up over time. Despite his condescending tone, I admit the difference between understanding this and experiencing it is bigger than it looks.

“Biden is the right man for this moment precisely because he is old – Been there, done that.” About the same age as Bernie Sanders, if I recall. And no one really wants to talk about some things Biden has done, the campaign showed us that.

“He’s getting things done that keyboard warriors only dream about,” Hey, getting a little personal there, Bill! “while muttering, ‘OK, Boomer.'” Sounds like someone on Twitter got you in a tizzy! But it really is gonna be OK, I promise.

“And yet, instead of finding Biden’s age an asset, it was his biggest obstacle.” Have you considered the possibility that America is tired of looking at the same old white guys who were Hard On Crime in the 1980s?

“In the run-up to the last election, 37% of Americans were unabashed about telling pollsters they flat-out wouldn’t vote for someone over 70.” Millennials became the largest voting bloc in 2016, but Trump was definitely not our President. Maybe it’s time to let someone else have a turn.

“Is there anything more piss-ignorant than not using old people as a resource?”

This is rich, coming from a guy speaking for a generation that turned its collective nose up at anything it didn’t invent. Don’t trust anyone over 30 sounds a lot more cutthroat when you’re 65, huh?


Don’t worry, it’s not up to you!

He trots out the trope of elders being respected properly around the world, while we tap ours for “Tik Tok pranks.” 

Then he drops the kernel of truth that probably gave him the idea for the segment:You know why advertisers love the 18 to 34 year old demographic? Because it’s the most gullible.”

Earlier he described how some larger patterns in life only become clear given time to repeat. I’ll be 38 this year and I’ve learned more in the past decade than I knew at 18.

But then he goes right into fearmongering about Dumb Yoots again. We want to abolish the police and 36% of us are Communism-curious! Oh, and we like tattoos! The latest version of the Crotchety Old Man gets extra comedic value from his refusal to admit what is happening.

“But much of the world did try [Communism.] I know Millennials think that doesn’t count because they weren’t alive when it happened.”

Bill’s well-loved truth bombs have been disarmed by this lack of self-awareness more and more as the years go by. The accusation of historical relativism is hilarious, considering The 60s will never die!

Don’t even mention their disproven, upside-down economic ideas. Like, really, don’t bother. It won’t get you anywhere.

“But it did happen.” Did it? I mean, sure, the Cuban government owns the means of production, but it was also one man’s personal army for 60 years. Hand the reins of government to an authoritarian, and he’ll give you Authoritarianism. Steam versus diesel becomes irrelevant with a maniac at the wheel.

“And there are people alive who remember it.” But I’ve always heard if you remember The 60s, you weren’t really there!

Seriously though, this Sage Elder act is pretty damn funny. Draw upon me as a resource! Right, so you can complain about how much we rely on you, in between our part-time jobs.

Fell for that one before! Besides, you don’t need our help finding things to complain about.


A little busy over here!

Bill is stepping forward as the mouthpiece of a generation that neglected to learn anything the Greatest Generation tried to teach, because they were too busy changing the world.

They have always insisted on their own authority, one way or another. First, they were the wave of the future. For 40 years, they were simply in charge. Now we should listen to them because they experienced the past.

Nevermind how any of that actually went.

Millennials were weaned on tales of peace marches, disco and Reaganism, even as they faded out of view. We have lived our whole lives in Boomer World. Is it any wonder we’re not asking for your opinion?

“The problem isn’t that I don’t get what you’re saying or that I’m old. The problem is that your ideas are stupid.”

Such eloquence takes me back to my playground days. Bill apparently doesn’t see the irony of telling someone to grow up right before insulting them. The original teenagers aren’t dealing well with getting old.

Lumbar Stretch

By the time they’re done, I’ll be old too!

The strong Get Offa My Lawn vibe continues to build, and Bill gets very specific: “Maybe I get Twitch, I just think people watching other people play video games is a waste of fucking time.”

First of all, the difference between a break and a waste of time is how interested you are. Fun for its own sake is vital to mental health, for varying definitions of ‘Fun.’

And Boomers are the ones watching 5-plus hours of TV every day, but I’m sure Bill is OK with that.

I’m beyond tired of lectures about how I spend my time from a generation that pioneered the use of alternative pharmaceuticals in everyday life.

Over the past 40 years, they let the infrastructure crumble. Turned the telecom system into a Kafkaesque nightmare. Hoarded wealth then complained when anyone asked for anything.

All while crowing about their legacy. They changed the world, man! Sure enough – They tossed out the shreds of culture their parents could remember after 15 years of depression and war, and replaced them with whatever they felt like!

And while Bill and his buddies were off mining Truth, the worst elements took advantage of their absence. Even the brightest among them was easily bought with praise and creature comforts.

Because, at the end of the day, the Baby Boomers are the most spoiled kids who ever lived. I’m sure if pressed, Bill would blame his schoolyard lingo on his adversary – You started it!

No, we didn’t. You were here first, and you’ll never let us forget it.