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After all these months and years pushing myself to be more, pushing the boundaries of my comfort zone, the time has finally come to step out of the shadows and *in front of the camera*. I’m overweight, middle-aged and introverted, but none of that appears to disqualify anyone from giving their views to the world.
Adding texture and depth to my personal brand is mandatory if I want to make myself known. Fame isn’t a goal of mine, but I long to connect with like-minded people and finding them IRL has always been difficult. For reasons I don’t understand, I am a polarizing person, people either love me or hate me. I can’t seem to go unnoticed even when I want to. I’m iconoclastic whether I like it or not, I have strong opinions and morals and just have difficulty doing what I’m told. This can be very embarrassing, it often leads to arguments with those who cannot accept a difference of opinion or method. Like parents. Or teachers. Or bosses.
In my 20s it occurred to me that these are the traits of many people I admire, people who have created some of the most interesting and durable art and literature. Everyone from Emily Dickinson to Salvador Dali, Alfred Hitchcock to John Lennon. But that’s intimidating company, and if I am the type of person who can contribute to the cultural zeitgeist, I have not known where to begin.
One thing those people don’t seem to have is crippling self-doubt. Whatever struggles they had, it wasn’t enough to stop them. They followed their inner vision and developed their craft, often describing it like a compulsion. Many times I have chided myself for my lack of conviction, and redoubled my efforts at dedication to my current chosen field, be it songwriting or music production or caregiving, whatever.
All the while overlooking my own compulsion, the thing I have to do no matter what, that I can’t seem to stop even when I wanted to, the mode of expression that sometimes flows effortlessly and other times painfully forces itself out into the world. I have 80 volumes of journals, a lot of which is reflection on the events of my life, but is also full of social and psycho-analysis, personal insights and doesn’t even include the dozen or so random notebooks full of poetry and snippets of all kinds of things.
So, apparently, I’m a writer. Okay. What do I do with this?
I’m in the process of developing some of my journals into a novel, fictionalizing and processing some of my more interesting and intense experiences. It’s a long and involved process, and I don’t expect to finish any time soon. I’m also working on a life philosophy, which is reasonably coherent at this point but I have tons of research to do to put it into context.
Meanwhile I have been renting out my talents to build a portfolio and an income. But these days, if you’re not available to your audience you won’t have one for long. All I know to do is put my perspective out there, and I am working on figuring out how to find you, the ones who jibe with my vibe, who feel what I’m saying and want to have a conversation.
Leave me a note! Check out the BrazenShe YouTube channel! Let’s get to know each other 😁