Some of you may have noticed that it’s been something like ten months since my last regular post. This is because I have been very very busy, plain and simple. Right after my trip to a childhood friend’s wedding, I reconnected with another old friend over the internet. This lead to me ending my relationship of seven years, marrying my old friend and moving myself and my little one to another part of the country. And that was only the first three months.
I’ve been asked so many times, directly and indirectly, why would I do this? Why would I move so far and get married so fast? Mostly because reality hit me like a train.
On a snowy March day, my now-ex and I were out to lunch. We had been together for years and discussed marriage many times. We had wanted to sign papers a few months earlier but decided to wait until we had some more money.
Now that things were going better financially, I casually asked if he wanted to go get that taken care of. “I don’t know.” was the response, then he continued eating in silence.
I ended up getting pretty upset, he told me I was overreacting. That if I’d asked differently his answer might have been different. He dodged me all over and made me feel crazy for the last of innumerable times. I was pretty sure I was justified in being upset by his sudden reluctance and his refusal to give me a straight answer. I stewed over this for weeks, suddenly unsure where my life was headed.
Asking his advice had become a downtalk minefield, so one evening when I was unsure of some meat I thought of my new/old friend who also liked to cook. He shared his advice and it seems like we haven’t stopped talking since.
It quickly became apparent just in talking with him that I was missing a lot in my life. I don’t remember how it turned romantic, but after a while I was staring at a hard truth: If I was really dedicated to a life of brazen honesty, I would have to make drastic changes. If I stayed where I was, I would never be totally present because part of me would always be somewhere else.
It’s not all supernatural. We have tons of things in common and are in the same place in our lives. My dearest wish, in both senses of the word, has always been to have someone who could be my best friend. Moment after moment lined up, large and small. So many flashes of recognition and appreciation. When the Universe drops something so wonderful in your lap, you just don’t say no.
I came here, to visit at first, because emotionally and ethically I had no choice. We jumped into legalities due to extenuating circumstances, but we did it happily. We recently talked about how reassuring it is, each knowing the other has made a commitment. One thing we share is having put too much of ourselves into propping up failing relationships, and when two givers get together it’s a totally different kind of feedback loop.
Spring is around the corner again, and I’m still exhilarated from riding this fresh wave. It has a thrilling feel to it that’s unlike anything I’ve known before. My relief outweighs the difficulties. Most of it is fascinating. And I get to wake up next to my best friend every day. No regrets.